"This beer isn’t cold enough. This is ridiculous."

Pretty sure that even if I took a trip out to the arctic tundra and excavated an old bud light truck out of a block of ice it still wouldn’t be cold enough for you.

Fuck yourselves.

3 notes

My customers trying to get me to drink with them when I’m getting off my shift.


4 notes


I’m feeling very diet coke, too. Thanks for asking, asshole.

Gettin’ ready for work like

Public Service Announcement

Being a pushy bitch and then saying “I’m a mom,” does not excuse you from being a pushy bitch.

9 notes

The New Chick

Had to tell the new girl that we don’t tell managers what we make behind the bar. She asked me why. I said because they are creepy fucks and its none of their god damn business. 


5 notes

Can’t sleep because my knees ache

"Are you getting old?"

No, I just work in a fucking restaurant.

30 notes

I prefer wearing my work clothes out to bars after my shift so people respect me more

12 notes

Customer Service Problem #34

Unpleasant customers who complain and say they’d rather go somewhere else.


(Source: ijustneedthemoney, via unfortunate-waiter)

37,629 notes

Sour limes

So a few weeks ago this dude comes in and orders a drink. I didn’t notice he was plastered until he ordered it. It was just a vodka soda so I was like whatever - I made it for him and then closed his card out. 

He sits there, staring at his drink, and then picks the lime off the rim and goes “What the fuck is this?”

I was in no mood for bullshit at this point in the evening so naturally I said, “Its a lime.”

He starts going on and on, slurring and cursing about how the lime isn’t “ripe” and he needs a new drink. 

And I pretty much said tough shit because the lime wasn’t in his drink. There was nothing wrong with the lime. 

Before I got him kicked out he goes “THIS LIME IS SOUR” and my response was “ALL LIMES ARE FUCKING SOUR. THEY’RE FUCKING LIMES.”

21 notes